Before I start, let me preface by saying that I *promise* I'm not as deranged as his post might make me sound. Seriously.
I have a crush.
Actually, I have two crushes- one a longtime issue, the other I'm convinced is simply a by-product of my unyielding single status. ::I get so loooonely, can't let just anybody hold me...:: Sorry. Anyway, these crushes have made me an EXPERT social network investigator. Facebook, twitter, blogs... wait, did I just say blogs? Is someone e-stalking me right now??? Is this real life?? Wait, what? Huh? Oh, social networking. Right. So our cultural desire to put our lives out on the Internet has made it exceedingly easy to find out all kinds of useful info about that certain someone I'm interested in at the moment. That's great.
The problem is, even though everyone cyber investigates (I prefer that term to stalking, seeing as how I'm 94.7% a lawyer and stalking is illegal...) no one is supposed to know that you've spent more time on their facebook page than 50 Tyson spends on YouTube demolishing the rap game (and that's not even his first love! He was born to be a ball player! That's skill yo). So now I find myself in these awkward situations where I'm thisclose to making a joke or referencing some obscure term said object of my affection buried in his "About Me" or 35 pages into his tagged photos, before I remember that I'm not supposed to know about that because I'm supposed to have a life. One that doesn't involve dissecting every comment left on his wall or @ on Twitter by any remotely attractive member of the opposite sex in order to determine if I'm gonna have to go all Wayne Brady on someone and slap a hoe. Cause you know, I go hard in the paint. Bow bow bow bow.
I feel like I need to keep a running list that has "Things he's told me or I could have reasonably found out through close mutual friends during general conversation" on one side, and "Things to never bring up first because it will totally show how much time you spend doodling his name with hearts around it and DEAR GOD THAT'S WEIRD" on the other. You know, just to be safe.
I know I'm not alone in my crazy.
LMAO... this is hilarious!!!
ReplyDeleteSam, LOL! You are NOT alone. I definitely find myself on peoples pages and I feel guilty not leaving comments since I spent a solid 15 minutes peering into their life, reading commments, checking out pics, references,etc.
ReplyDeleteAlso - I say, don't be scurred, let him know you're into him! (unless he's married or in a relationship). Who knows, maybe he does the same thing to you ;-)
"cyber investigate" = priceless
ReplyDeleteI'm going to start using that one ASAP!
lol sam! youre so funny. I think this is just a part of dating now a days lol you have to go through the profile lol i feel like i dont know you if i dont haha
ReplyDeleteEvery woman does this....and if you don't you've wanted to multiple times and/or had a friend do it for you. Not crazy at all.
ReplyDelete"is... is this real life?" ::starts to sit up despite seat belt:: "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
ReplyDelete