Truth Time

I've gained back approximately 20 of the pounds I lost in 2011 since I started work.

I'm having skin issues for the first time in my life and my face looks like crap.

Lonely.

Tired of hearing myself say I'm lonely, tired of typing it out here, tired of worrying about it.

I live vicariously through romance novels.

I don't have a fair pair of jeans.

I don't have any outfit I can put on that makes me feel gorgeous.

I sit at home most weekend nights.

My mother is my most constant companion.

I feel like everyone is progressing in their lives except for me.

I miss DC.

I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.

I hate that no matter how much I work out, if I don't eat perfectly I gain weight.

I hate that I already know I'll have to work out and eat blandly for the rest of my life or else I'll blow up like a balloon.

I wish I were funnier.

I do not know how to flirt.

I am sick of hearing myself whine.

I'm always surprised when my superiors tell em they think I'm good at my job.

I'm still waiting to go on a great adventure.

My mother unexpectedly cleaned my bedroom for me and she found absolutely nothing dirty, awkward, naughty, or scandalous. I don't know whether to be proud or ashamed.

My crazy is crazier than ever.

S.

Things I've Learned

1. Law school does not teach you how to be a lawyer. Maybe it teaches you how to think like a lawyer, but I could have went to paralegal school for that and saved $200,000. So, thanks for that, Georgetown. Much appreciated.

2. Law firms like to give you lots and lots of free alcohol and free (bad for you) food.

3. Lots of free alcohol + lots of free (bad for you) food = Lots of non-free shopping because you've gained too much weight to fit into your formerly "skinny" clothes. Damn it.

4. Do. Not. Piss. Off. The. Secretaries.

5. Running 3.1 miles is doable!

6. Running 3.1 miles with a blister is less doable.

7. Blister gel/cream preventer stuff does not work.

8. There are exactly 16 Black people in my firm. Total.

9. It's so easy to spend money when you've got money.

10. Don't ever take a job where you have to bill hours. Trust me on this.

11. It is totally appropriate to wear flat jeweled sandals to the club in June, and don't let anyone tell you differently.

12. Rooftop parties are fun.

13. Walking through an alley that smells like a schizophrenic homeless woman's underwear to get to said rooftop party is not fun.

14. The attractive, Black, cool, male lawyer is not totally an urban legend. If only I could remember his name...

15. As long as you look busy and type furiously, no one will bother you while you're on your computer at work. Even if you're blogging.

Happy Friday!

S.

P.S.- 16. Three day weekends should be mandatory.

Eff It.

You may not have noticed this, but I haven't written in a while.

It's not because I didn't want to write, because I did. I REALLY wanted to write. Desperately, actually. But the thing is, I wanted to write about my job. Which is bad, because blogging about your job could get fired. And seeing as how I'm not at all inclined to be poor again, I just didn't write. I made the executive decision that plugging my creative outlet was better than mistakenly writing something I shouldn't and getting called into HR.

Except, it's not. Not even a little bit.

So now I'm saying eff it. I'm going to write. I'm going to talk about my life, and my days, and what it feels like to be a real life full-fledged attorney. Cause I am. Like, legitimately.

I'm a rebel with a cause, I tell ya. Which is exactly why I just painted my nails the brightest neon pink known to man. Take that, stuffy old judicial system! I've got to be me, and I'm starting right now.

Back with a vengeance,

S.

Happy New Year!

This post is a bit premature, as it's only 10:35p.m. in my neck of the woods, but I figure since I'm already on my second glass of wine (and feeling it!) I should probably get this post in the books before I lose the hand/eye coordination to efficiently do so.

As I tweeted a bit earlier, 2011 was really good to me (even if my posts here lead you to believe otherwise). I graduated from an amazing law school, studied my butt off for the bar, passed the bar, and accepted a job with one of the top firms in Michigan. I really can't complain... too much. But with that said, I'm expecting 2012 to be even better! So, I decided instead of doing resolutions that I may or may not keep, I would write out a list of things I want from 2012. And because I have no filter, I've decided to share this list, in its entirety, with all of you. Without further ado...

What I want from 2012

1. To use my fear as inspiration to ROCK this new job!

2. To try new things I'm uncomfortable with, just to say I did. Who knows, I may love it!

3. Get down to, and stay at, 180 pounds.

4. Save heartily (but spend frivolously at least once a quarter).

5. Go on a date.

6. Fall in love, even if only for a week. :)

7. Take a trip somewhere I've never been before.

8. Don't be afraid to SHINE!

9. Visit DC, Atlanta, and Chicago --> Nourish my friendships!

10. Do something really nice and unexpected for Mommy.

11. Become familiar with and comfortable navigating downtown.

12. Laugh more, and sweat the small stuff less.

13. Be wholly, unequivocally, undeniably, unapologetically ME!

If I don't get to everything, that's totally ok, but at least it gives me something to strive for.

In the spirit of full disclosure, after reading this blog, I also wrote out a list of everything I could possibly want in a man. Now, clearly no man on this overcrowded, polluted, amazing, beautiful earth is going to have everything on this (extensive) list, but it's nice to really think about what's important to me, what I'm looking for superficially, and what I actually don't need. At midnight I'm going to burn both lists, kind of as a way to get them into the atmosphere. Anyway, I'm not going to recreate the "Man" list for you guys in total here because, crazy as it may seem, I do have some pride, but I will leave you with a few randomly selected excerpts:

2. NICE. To me, to others, to strangers, and to himself.

6. Thinks I'm beautiful, and makes me think so too.

11. Has. A. Job. (with opportunity for advancement)

13. Comes from a good, solid, stable family (who love me!)

21. Unselfish in all things

25. Sexy --> Makes me nervous and gives me butterflies.

28. Engaged in the democratic process.

34. Likes my friends, and vice versa.

40. Faithful

Before I get out of here, I just want to say a really big thank you to everyone who has read this little corner of the internets, commented, left me a facebook message, emailed, texted, stopped me in person, whatever! I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one hiding their crazy from the masses, and I promise to expose more of my crazy (and less of my emo) in the new year. Love y'all!

Happy New Year guys, hope 2012 brings you all you desire!

S.

Perhaps I Spoke Too Soon...

...Because I just got offered that job I interviewed for.

Whoop!

Knowing that I'll be able to pay some bills takes a huge weight off my back and definitely put a smile back on my face.

Lord, don't let me mess this up. Also Lord, this might be rather superficial, but please don't let me turn into one of those weird, socially awkward, lawyer types. I'm too cute for all that. Shudder.

S.

Revelations

Last night I dreamt I was in some amazing Old World European country where I had to climb over the roofs of buildings and move this huge block of cement in order to shimmy into this dark cavern that led to the best party I'd ever been to.

Don't be jealous of my imagination.

So, that was pretty cool. But during the dream, I got drunk. Like really, really, rip-roaring drunk. Off whiskey sours. Is it even possible to get that drunk off whiskey sours??? Anywho... I was drunker than I've ever come anywhere close to being in real life (which really wouldn't be that difficult seeing as how I've only ever been drunk like twice in my life). And that would have been cool too, except that when I woke up my first thoughts were getting that drunk sounds like a really good idea. I wish I could get that drunk right now.

That scared me.

Then I went and weighed myself and I had gained an additional 2.5lbs from the 1lb I gained last week, putting me up from my low of 189 back to 192.5 and I didn't even have the capacity to be upset. I just laughed because WHAT THE FUCK. Even though I do yoga regularly and I just ran somewhere near a 12 minute mile (a whole mile! Without stopping!) for the first time, I still gained weight. But I just didn't have it in me to be upset about it.

That concerned me.

And I had this job interview that I think (thought?) went well, so I sent them my references and a writing sample two weeks ago at their request, and then I got a call from the firm on Monday saying that my information had mistakenly not been sent to the hiring partner and he wouldn't have a chance to look at it until Thursday. Which means he probably won't make a decision until next week. Which means my Christmas wish for a job won't come true, and I'll have to return this gorgeous dress I bought (being confident that I would have a job in the near future... that was probably a really dumb move) in order to pay my bills.

Not so much fun.

The other day I decided I needed to stop watching Lifetime/Oxygen/ABC Family Christmas romance movies because they all have happy endings and I'm currently living through a demonstrably non-happy ending, especially in regards to my completely, utterly, not even a little bit existent love life. Same goes for romance books, which if you know me, is basically like me telling you I'm going to start hanging around with rich, White, conservatives for fun. Shit makes no sense. And yet, I'm actually gonna stop. The book I previewed on Amazon last night about vaginas and other gynecological concerns (google pelvic prolapse. Please.) was pretty interesting. So, with all that said...

I think I'm depressed.

S.

On Music.

I used to really enjoy music. No, scratch that-- I used to LOVE music. I had fancy color-coordinated CD towers in my room filled with all the coolest and most up to date music available. And then CDs went out and iPods came in and I totally got one of those and filled it up with all kinds of cool and diverse music: Nina Simone, Karl Jenkins, Alicia Keys, Crystal Kay, Usher, Common... you name it, I had it or something close to it. I loved my music, and my music loved me.

But then, things changed.

Somewhere along the line, some fool person decided it wasn't enough to just like music. Nay, it wasn't enough to LOVE music. No, unless you were a complete douche about music, you clearly had no freaking idea what you were talking about and might as well spend your time listening to the rhythmic click of an old school typewriter. Somehow, it became too little to simply listen to what you liked, or nod your head to what came on the radio, or stumble upon some song in an old movie that you happened to fall in love with. No, listening to music became a job.

You must seek out new music. Listen to what comes on the radio? Kill yourself. Slowly. In a very painful manner. DON'T YOU KNOW NOTHING GOOD COMES ON THE RADIO ANYMORE? Listen to old music? Unless you found a .45 in a dusty bin in the drafty corner of that out of the way music/corner/medical marijuana store, your find is null and void and you might as well shoot yourself in the kneecap. Listen to what you like? Only acceptable if only 1/10 of the U.S. population knows who the artist is and of those only 3.9% enjoy the music. Otherwise, you shall be banished to a small windowless room and subjected to white noise torture in the form of J. Cole, Childish Gambino (really, people? REALLY? When he comes out with a song entitled "I got all you fools to call me Immature Baby and you fell for it", don't come crying to me.), Iggy Azalea, and Jean Grae.

You must not enjoy popular music. Unless you're in the club. And you're drunk. Because everyone knows the regular rules don't apply when you're drunk in the club. In those limited circumstances, feel free to shake, wind, and roll all you want to Beyonce', Drake, Rick Ross... wait, Rick Ross actually gets a pass from like everybody. He's essentially the fat baby Jesus of music. I'm not sure why this is. Anyway, I digress...

The point is, liking music takes too much work now. So I've decided that I simply won't.

No more updating my iPod. No more downloading songs that interest me. I'll listen to what I've already got cause I'm cheap and I paid for all that stuff and I don't believe in wasting money, but that's it! No more music. Forget Wall Street, I'm occupying my iTunes until further notice.

And all you self-proclaimed music lovers, you of the "I can't breathe without music; music is my life, my heart, and my soul, #TeamUndergroundMusic #TeamIWearCrewNeckSweatshirts #TeamI'mBetterThanYouBecauseMyFavoriteArtistHasn'tEvenBeenBornYet(#TeamWombMusic)" Twitter bios, can all take pride in having caused the destruction of my love for music. But don't worry, I'll be back. And when I am, I'm bringing these guys with me, just to piss. you. off.

S.