You may not have noticed this, but I haven't written in a while.
It's not because I didn't want to write, because I did. I REALLY wanted to write. Desperately, actually. But the thing is, I wanted to write about my job. Which is bad, because blogging about your job could get fired. And seeing as how I'm not at all inclined to be poor again, I just didn't write. I made the executive decision that plugging my creative outlet was better than mistakenly writing something I shouldn't and getting called into HR.
Except, it's not. Not even a little bit.
So now I'm saying eff it. I'm going to write. I'm going to talk about my life, and my days, and what it feels like to be a real life full-fledged attorney. Cause I am. Like, legitimately.
I'm a rebel with a cause, I tell ya. Which is exactly why I just painted my nails the brightest neon pink known to man. Take that, stuffy old judicial system! I've got to be me, and I'm starting right now.
Back with a vengeance,
S.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Happy New Year!
This post is a bit premature, as it's only 10:35p.m. in my neck of the woods, but I figure since I'm already on my second glass of wine (and feeling it!) I should probably get this post in the books before I lose the hand/eye coordination to efficiently do so.
As I tweeted a bit earlier, 2011 was really good to me (even if my posts here lead you to believe otherwise). I graduated from an amazing law school, studied my butt off for the bar, passed the bar, and accepted a job with one of the top firms in Michigan. I really can't complain... too much. But with that said, I'm expecting 2012 to be even better! So, I decided instead of doing resolutions that I may or may not keep, I would write out a list of things I want from 2012. And because I have no filter, I've decided to share this list, in its entirety, with all of you. Without further ado...
As I tweeted a bit earlier, 2011 was really good to me (even if my posts here lead you to believe otherwise). I graduated from an amazing law school, studied my butt off for the bar, passed the bar, and accepted a job with one of the top firms in Michigan. I really can't complain... too much. But with that said, I'm expecting 2012 to be even better! So, I decided instead of doing resolutions that I may or may not keep, I would write out a list of things I want from 2012. And because I have no filter, I've decided to share this list, in its entirety, with all of you. Without further ado...
What I want from 2012
1. To use my fear as inspiration to ROCK this new job!
2. To try new things I'm uncomfortable with, just to say I did. Who knows, I may love it!
3. Get down to, and stay at, 180 pounds.
4. Save heartily (but spend frivolously at least once a quarter).
5. Go on a date.
6. Fall in love, even if only for a week. :)
7. Take a trip somewhere I've never been before.
8. Don't be afraid to SHINE!
9. Visit DC, Atlanta, and Chicago --> Nourish my friendships!
10. Do something really nice and unexpected for Mommy.
11. Become familiar with and comfortable navigating downtown.
12. Laugh more, and sweat the small stuff less.
13. Be wholly, unequivocally, undeniably, unapologetically ME!
If I don't get to everything, that's totally ok, but at least it gives me something to strive for.
In the spirit of full disclosure, after reading this blog, I also wrote out a list of everything I could possibly want in a man. Now, clearly no man on this overcrowded, polluted, amazing, beautiful earth is going to have everything on this (extensive) list, but it's nice to really think about what's important to me, what I'm looking for superficially, and what I actually don't need. At midnight I'm going to burn both lists, kind of as a way to get them into the atmosphere. Anyway, I'm not going to recreate the "Man" list for you guys in total here because, crazy as it may seem, I do have some pride, but I will leave you with a few randomly selected excerpts:
2. NICE. To me, to others, to strangers, and to himself.
6. Thinks I'm beautiful, and makes me think so too.
11. Has. A. Job. (with opportunity for advancement)
13. Comes from a good, solid, stable family (who love me!)
21. Unselfish in all things
25. Sexy --> Makes me nervous and gives me butterflies.
28. Engaged in the democratic process.
34. Likes my friends, and vice versa.
40. Faithful
Before I get out of here, I just want to say a really big thank you to everyone who has read this little corner of the internets, commented, left me a facebook message, emailed, texted, stopped me in person, whatever! I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one hiding their crazy from the masses, and I promise to expose more of my crazy (and less of my emo) in the new year. Love y'all!
Happy New Year guys, hope 2012 brings you all you desire!
S.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Perhaps I Spoke Too Soon...
...Because I just got offered that job I interviewed for.
Whoop!
Knowing that I'll be able to pay some bills takes a huge weight off my back and definitely put a smile back on my face.
Lord, don't let me mess this up. Also Lord, this might be rather superficial, but please don't let me turn into one of those weird, socially awkward, lawyer types. I'm too cute for all that. Shudder.
S.
Whoop!
Knowing that I'll be able to pay some bills takes a huge weight off my back and definitely put a smile back on my face.
Lord, don't let me mess this up. Also Lord, this might be rather superficial, but please don't let me turn into one of those weird, socially awkward, lawyer types. I'm too cute for all that. Shudder.
S.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Revelations
Last night I dreamt I was in some amazing Old World European country where I had to climb over the roofs of buildings and move this huge block of cement in order to shimmy into this dark cavern that led to the best party I'd ever been to.
Don't be jealous of my imagination.
So, that was pretty cool. But during the dream, I got drunk. Like really, really, rip-roaring drunk. Off whiskey sours. Is it even possible to get that drunk off whiskey sours??? Anywho... I was drunker than I've ever come anywhere close to being in real life (which really wouldn't be that difficult seeing as how I've only ever been drunk like twice in my life). And that would have been cool too, except that when I woke up my first thoughts were getting that drunk sounds like a really good idea. I wish I could get that drunk right now.
That scared me.
Then I went and weighed myself and I had gained an additional 2.5lbs from the 1lb I gained last week, putting me up from my low of 189 back to 192.5 and I didn't even have the capacity to be upset. I just laughed because WHAT THE FUCK. Even though I do yoga regularly and I just ran somewhere near a 12 minute mile (a whole mile! Without stopping!) for the first time, I still gained weight. But I just didn't have it in me to be upset about it.
That concerned me.
And I had this job interview that I think (thought?) went well, so I sent them my references and a writing sample two weeks ago at their request, and then I got a call from the firm on Monday saying that my information had mistakenly not been sent to the hiring partner and he wouldn't have a chance to look at it until Thursday. Which means he probably won't make a decision until next week. Which means my Christmas wish for a job won't come true, and I'll have to return this gorgeous dress I bought (being confident that I would have a job in the near future... that was probably a really dumb move) in order to pay my bills.
Not so much fun.
The other day I decided I needed to stop watching Lifetime/Oxygen/ABC Family Christmas romance movies because they all have happy endings and I'm currently living through a demonstrably non-happy ending, especially in regards to my completely, utterly, not even a little bit existent love life. Same goes for romance books, which if you know me, is basically like me telling you I'm going to start hanging around with rich, White, conservatives for fun. Shit makes no sense. And yet, I'm actually gonna stop. The book I previewed on Amazon last night about vaginas and other gynecological concerns (google pelvic prolapse. Please.) was pretty interesting. So, with all that said...
I think I'm depressed.
S.
Don't be jealous of my imagination.
So, that was pretty cool. But during the dream, I got drunk. Like really, really, rip-roaring drunk. Off whiskey sours. Is it even possible to get that drunk off whiskey sours??? Anywho... I was drunker than I've ever come anywhere close to being in real life (which really wouldn't be that difficult seeing as how I've only ever been drunk like twice in my life). And that would have been cool too, except that when I woke up my first thoughts were getting that drunk sounds like a really good idea. I wish I could get that drunk right now.
That scared me.
Then I went and weighed myself and I had gained an additional 2.5lbs from the 1lb I gained last week, putting me up from my low of 189 back to 192.5 and I didn't even have the capacity to be upset. I just laughed because WHAT THE FUCK. Even though I do yoga regularly and I just ran somewhere near a 12 minute mile (a whole mile! Without stopping!) for the first time, I still gained weight. But I just didn't have it in me to be upset about it.
That concerned me.
And I had this job interview that I think (thought?) went well, so I sent them my references and a writing sample two weeks ago at their request, and then I got a call from the firm on Monday saying that my information had mistakenly not been sent to the hiring partner and he wouldn't have a chance to look at it until Thursday. Which means he probably won't make a decision until next week. Which means my Christmas wish for a job won't come true, and I'll have to return this gorgeous dress I bought (being confident that I would have a job in the near future... that was probably a really dumb move) in order to pay my bills.
Not so much fun.
The other day I decided I needed to stop watching Lifetime/Oxygen/ABC Family Christmas romance movies because they all have happy endings and I'm currently living through a demonstrably non-happy ending, especially in regards to my completely, utterly, not even a little bit existent love life. Same goes for romance books, which if you know me, is basically like me telling you I'm going to start hanging around with rich, White, conservatives for fun. Shit makes no sense. And yet, I'm actually gonna stop. The book I previewed on Amazon last night about vaginas and other gynecological concerns (google pelvic prolapse. Please.) was pretty interesting. So, with all that said...
I think I'm depressed.
S.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
On Music.
I used to really enjoy music. No, scratch that-- I used to LOVE music. I had fancy color-coordinated CD towers in my room filled with all the coolest and most up to date music available. And then CDs went out and iPods came in and I totally got one of those and filled it up with all kinds of cool and diverse music: Nina Simone, Karl Jenkins, Alicia Keys, Crystal Kay, Usher, Common... you name it, I had it or something close to it. I loved my music, and my music loved me.
But then, things changed.
Somewhere along the line, some fool person decided it wasn't enough to just like music. Nay, it wasn't enough to LOVE music. No, unless you were a complete douche about music, you clearly had no freaking idea what you were talking about and might as well spend your time listening to the rhythmic click of an old school typewriter. Somehow, it became too little to simply listen to what you liked, or nod your head to what came on the radio, or stumble upon some song in an old movie that you happened to fall in love with. No, listening to music became a job.
You must seek out new music. Listen to what comes on the radio? Kill yourself. Slowly. In a very painful manner. DON'T YOU KNOW NOTHING GOOD COMES ON THE RADIO ANYMORE? Listen to old music? Unless you found a .45 in a dusty bin in the drafty corner of that out of the way music/corner/medical marijuana store, your find is null and void and you might as well shoot yourself in the kneecap. Listen to what you like? Only acceptable if only 1/10 of the U.S. population knows who the artist is and of those only 3.9% enjoy the music. Otherwise, you shall be banished to a small windowless room and subjected to white noise torture in the form of J. Cole, Childish Gambino (really, people? REALLY? When he comes out with a song entitled "I got all you fools to call me Immature Baby and you fell for it", don't come crying to me.), Iggy Azalea, and Jean Grae.
You must not enjoy popular music. Unless you're in the club. And you're drunk. Because everyone knows the regular rules don't apply when you're drunk in the club. In those limited circumstances, feel free to shake, wind, and roll all you want to Beyonce', Drake, Rick Ross... wait, Rick Ross actually gets a pass from like everybody. He's essentially the fat baby Jesus of music. I'm not sure why this is. Anyway, I digress...
The point is, liking music takes too much work now. So I've decided that I simply won't.
No more updating my iPod. No more downloading songs that interest me. I'll listen to what I've already got cause I'm cheap and I paid for all that stuff and I don't believe in wasting money, but that's it! No more music. Forget Wall Street, I'm occupying my iTunes until further notice.
And all you self-proclaimed music lovers, you of the "I can't breathe without music; music is my life, my heart, and my soul, #TeamUndergroundMusic #TeamIWearCrewNeckSweatshirts #TeamI'mBetterThanYouBecauseMyFavoriteArtistHasn'tEvenBeenBornYet(#TeamWombMusic)" Twitter bios, can all take pride in having caused the destruction of my love for music. But don't worry, I'll be back. And when I am, I'm bringing these guys with me, just to piss. you. off.
S.
But then, things changed.
Somewhere along the line, some fool person decided it wasn't enough to just like music. Nay, it wasn't enough to LOVE music. No, unless you were a complete douche about music, you clearly had no freaking idea what you were talking about and might as well spend your time listening to the rhythmic click of an old school typewriter. Somehow, it became too little to simply listen to what you liked, or nod your head to what came on the radio, or stumble upon some song in an old movie that you happened to fall in love with. No, listening to music became a job.
You must seek out new music. Listen to what comes on the radio? Kill yourself. Slowly. In a very painful manner. DON'T YOU KNOW NOTHING GOOD COMES ON THE RADIO ANYMORE? Listen to old music? Unless you found a .45 in a dusty bin in the drafty corner of that out of the way music/corner/medical marijuana store, your find is null and void and you might as well shoot yourself in the kneecap. Listen to what you like? Only acceptable if only 1/10 of the U.S. population knows who the artist is and of those only 3.9% enjoy the music. Otherwise, you shall be banished to a small windowless room and subjected to white noise torture in the form of J. Cole, Childish Gambino (really, people? REALLY? When he comes out with a song entitled "I got all you fools to call me Immature Baby and you fell for it", don't come crying to me.), Iggy Azalea, and Jean Grae.
You must not enjoy popular music. Unless you're in the club. And you're drunk. Because everyone knows the regular rules don't apply when you're drunk in the club. In those limited circumstances, feel free to shake, wind, and roll all you want to Beyonce', Drake, Rick Ross... wait, Rick Ross actually gets a pass from like everybody. He's essentially the fat baby Jesus of music. I'm not sure why this is. Anyway, I digress...
The point is, liking music takes too much work now. So I've decided that I simply won't.
No more updating my iPod. No more downloading songs that interest me. I'll listen to what I've already got cause I'm cheap and I paid for all that stuff and I don't believe in wasting money, but that's it! No more music. Forget Wall Street, I'm occupying my iTunes until further notice.
And all you self-proclaimed music lovers, you of the "I can't breathe without music; music is my life, my heart, and my soul, #TeamUndergroundMusic #TeamIWearCrewNeckSweatshirts #TeamI'mBetterThanYouBecauseMyFavoriteArtistHasn'tEvenBeenBornYet(#TeamWombMusic)" Twitter bios, can all take pride in having caused the destruction of my love for music. But don't worry, I'll be back. And when I am, I'm bringing these guys with me, just to piss. you. off.
S.
Friday, October 14, 2011
If Cover Letters Told the Truth
Dear Ms. Woman Who Reads 592 of These a Day and Probably Wants to Shoot Herself in the Eye,
I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not going to fill this letter with the same bunch of subtle compliments about this company that every job hunter has been told to include in order to indicate that I've researched and read up on this company and have my pick of the litter and couldn't imagine a more fascinating and exciting job opportunity than This. Exact. Job. You see, the truth is that right now I'd take pretty much any job that would allow me to pay at least the interest on my school loans and didn't involve scrubbing toilets and/or wearing a hair net. Cause that's just gross. But other than that, I'm totally open. I don't think that's asking too much.
I know in this part of the letter I'm supposed to regale you with stories of my work experience. But see, here's the thing: I ain't got none. I mean, I have summer work experience, and that totally counts (right? RIGHT?) but as for actual real-life-longer-than-two-months-going-every-day-work? Yeeeeah, not so much. But that's clearly not my fault! And actually, it's evidence of how good a worker I am; I did EXACTLY what my superiors (a.k.a. parents and teachers) told me to do. I went to school, then went to school some more, then went a little more. Now, the way I understand it, that was SUPPOSED to culminate in people like you throwing job offers at my doorstep. No one ever said anything about working a real job! How was I to know book learning wasn't enough? On the bright side, when you call me in for an interview and ask me to describe one negative attribute I possess, I've got a slam dunk answer-- "I've found that in the past I have not always looked as far outside the box as I should. But I recognize the problem and am working diligently to embrace my creative side." BAM! HOW YA LIKE ME NOW?
Let's recap. I'm young, I have little to no experience but a crap load of education, I have pretty much no idea what I want to do with my life, and your company is just one of many I'm sending this cover letter out to. There is absolutely nothing special about you except for the fact that you've yet to convert to a completely online, automated, job search system, which is why you're getting this letter in the first place (lucky me!). Additionally, I need to make at least $80,000 a year to justify attending one of the most expensive law schools in one of the most expensive cities in the country... and so the Department of Education doesn't break down my door for defaulting on my loans like this guy. I'm sure we can make this work, and I look forward to hearing from you!
Sincerely,
S.
P.S. Just found out I passed the bar, so that minimum salary requirement just went up $10k. Ok? Ok!
I'm not going to lie to you. I'm not going to fill this letter with the same bunch of subtle compliments about this company that every job hunter has been told to include in order to indicate that I've researched and read up on this company and have my pick of the litter and couldn't imagine a more fascinating and exciting job opportunity than This. Exact. Job. You see, the truth is that right now I'd take pretty much any job that would allow me to pay at least the interest on my school loans and didn't involve scrubbing toilets and/or wearing a hair net. Cause that's just gross. But other than that, I'm totally open. I don't think that's asking too much.
I know in this part of the letter I'm supposed to regale you with stories of my work experience. But see, here's the thing: I ain't got none. I mean, I have summer work experience, and that totally counts (right? RIGHT?) but as for actual real-life-longer-than-two-months-going-every-day-work? Yeeeeah, not so much. But that's clearly not my fault! And actually, it's evidence of how good a worker I am; I did EXACTLY what my superiors (a.k.a. parents and teachers) told me to do. I went to school, then went to school some more, then went a little more. Now, the way I understand it, that was SUPPOSED to culminate in people like you throwing job offers at my doorstep. No one ever said anything about working a real job! How was I to know book learning wasn't enough? On the bright side, when you call me in for an interview and ask me to describe one negative attribute I possess, I've got a slam dunk answer-- "I've found that in the past I have not always looked as far outside the box as I should. But I recognize the problem and am working diligently to embrace my creative side." BAM! HOW YA LIKE ME NOW?
Let's recap. I'm young, I have little to no experience but a crap load of education, I have pretty much no idea what I want to do with my life, and your company is just one of many I'm sending this cover letter out to. There is absolutely nothing special about you except for the fact that you've yet to convert to a completely online, automated, job search system, which is why you're getting this letter in the first place (lucky me!). Additionally, I need to make at least $80,000 a year to justify attending one of the most expensive law schools in one of the most expensive cities in the country... and so the Department of Education doesn't break down my door for defaulting on my loans like this guy. I'm sure we can make this work, and I look forward to hearing from you!
Sincerely,
S.
P.S. Just found out I passed the bar, so that minimum salary requirement just went up $10k. Ok? Ok!
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
A Prayer
Dear God,
Thank you. Thank you for carrying me this far, for knowing my heart, and for accepting me as I am. I have my life, my health, my family, and my friends, and I am so incredibly thankful for it all.
But God, I'm scared.
I feel so... stuck. I have no idea where to go from here. I've done everything expected of me, everything I set out to do, so why do I still feel so unsure of myself? Of my abilities? Of my place in the world? I expected to end this chapter of my life in a completely different space than I'm in right now... nothing's as I thought it would be. What is my purpose? My friends are out to change the world, and I'm just trying to find something I won't hate doing everyday for the next few years. At 25, I thought the world would be my oyster, but instead I'm sitting on my mother's couch, nothing to do, terrified all I have in front of me is a sea of days just like this one and the one before it. I can't think of anything that excites me career-wise, and although I say it in a joking manner, it kills me every time someone asks me what field I'm looking to get into and my response is "one that pays" or "I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up."
Lord, I don't want to joke about that. I want to be able to say confidently and assuredly that I am interested in X, Y, and Z. I've always had a plan, always had a mission, and it kills me every day that I seem to be standing at the precipice of a cliff with no where to go and no way to get there.
So God, this is my prayer.
Lord, please don't let me be afraid to step out on faith. Don't let me be so full of fear and apprehension that I miss out on the signs you put right in front of me. Let me have faith in myself and more faith that you will work things out as they should be. Let me not be afraid to fail. If I fail, Lord let me have the strength to try again. Lord, let me open my heart and my mind to all the opportunities available to me, even if they seem completely out of line with what I've taught myself I should want. Let me not be afraid to try new things, and let my fear be a motivator instead of a hindrance. Lord, help me to remember that my friends want only the best for me, and that I should rejoice in their successes, not take it as a personal affront against my own abilities.
Finally Lord, please help me to remember that everything happens when it is supposed to happen. Help me to remember that good things come to those who wait. Even when I don't understand the timeline, help me to remember that it will be OK, and I am meant to learn something every day of this experience. Lord, please just... help.
Amen.
Thank you. Thank you for carrying me this far, for knowing my heart, and for accepting me as I am. I have my life, my health, my family, and my friends, and I am so incredibly thankful for it all.
But God, I'm scared.
I feel so... stuck. I have no idea where to go from here. I've done everything expected of me, everything I set out to do, so why do I still feel so unsure of myself? Of my abilities? Of my place in the world? I expected to end this chapter of my life in a completely different space than I'm in right now... nothing's as I thought it would be. What is my purpose? My friends are out to change the world, and I'm just trying to find something I won't hate doing everyday for the next few years. At 25, I thought the world would be my oyster, but instead I'm sitting on my mother's couch, nothing to do, terrified all I have in front of me is a sea of days just like this one and the one before it. I can't think of anything that excites me career-wise, and although I say it in a joking manner, it kills me every time someone asks me what field I'm looking to get into and my response is "one that pays" or "I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up."
Lord, I don't want to joke about that. I want to be able to say confidently and assuredly that I am interested in X, Y, and Z. I've always had a plan, always had a mission, and it kills me every day that I seem to be standing at the precipice of a cliff with no where to go and no way to get there.
So God, this is my prayer.
Lord, please don't let me be afraid to step out on faith. Don't let me be so full of fear and apprehension that I miss out on the signs you put right in front of me. Let me have faith in myself and more faith that you will work things out as they should be. Let me not be afraid to fail. If I fail, Lord let me have the strength to try again. Lord, let me open my heart and my mind to all the opportunities available to me, even if they seem completely out of line with what I've taught myself I should want. Let me not be afraid to try new things, and let my fear be a motivator instead of a hindrance. Lord, help me to remember that my friends want only the best for me, and that I should rejoice in their successes, not take it as a personal affront against my own abilities.
Finally Lord, please help me to remember that everything happens when it is supposed to happen. Help me to remember that good things come to those who wait. Even when I don't understand the timeline, help me to remember that it will be OK, and I am meant to learn something every day of this experience. Lord, please just... help.
Amen.
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