Truth Time

I've gained back approximately 20 of the pounds I lost in 2011 since I started work.

I'm having skin issues for the first time in my life and my face looks like crap.

Lonely.

Tired of hearing myself say I'm lonely, tired of typing it out here, tired of worrying about it.

I live vicariously through romance novels.

I don't have a fair pair of jeans.

I don't have any outfit I can put on that makes me feel gorgeous.

I sit at home most weekend nights.

My mother is my most constant companion.

I feel like everyone is progressing in their lives except for me.

I miss DC.

I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.

I hate that no matter how much I work out, if I don't eat perfectly I gain weight.

I hate that I already know I'll have to work out and eat blandly for the rest of my life or else I'll blow up like a balloon.

I wish I were funnier.

I do not know how to flirt.

I am sick of hearing myself whine.

I'm always surprised when my superiors tell em they think I'm good at my job.

I'm still waiting to go on a great adventure.

My mother unexpectedly cleaned my bedroom for me and she found absolutely nothing dirty, awkward, naughty, or scandalous. I don't know whether to be proud or ashamed.

My crazy is crazier than ever.

S.

Eff It.

You may not have noticed this, but I haven't written in a while.

It's not because I didn't want to write, because I did. I REALLY wanted to write. Desperately, actually. But the thing is, I wanted to write about my job. Which is bad, because blogging about your job could get fired. And seeing as how I'm not at all inclined to be poor again, I just didn't write. I made the executive decision that plugging my creative outlet was better than mistakenly writing something I shouldn't and getting called into HR.

Except, it's not. Not even a little bit.

So now I'm saying eff it. I'm going to write. I'm going to talk about my life, and my days, and what it feels like to be a real life full-fledged attorney. Cause I am. Like, legitimately.

I'm a rebel with a cause, I tell ya. Which is exactly why I just painted my nails the brightest neon pink known to man. Take that, stuffy old judicial system! I've got to be me, and I'm starting right now.

Back with a vengeance,

S.

Happy New Year!

This post is a bit premature, as it's only 10:35p.m. in my neck of the woods, but I figure since I'm already on my second glass of wine (and feeling it!) I should probably get this post in the books before I lose the hand/eye coordination to efficiently do so.

As I tweeted a bit earlier, 2011 was really good to me (even if my posts here lead you to believe otherwise). I graduated from an amazing law school, studied my butt off for the bar, passed the bar, and accepted a job with one of the top firms in Michigan. I really can't complain... too much. But with that said, I'm expecting 2012 to be even better! So, I decided instead of doing resolutions that I may or may not keep, I would write out a list of things I want from 2012. And because I have no filter, I've decided to share this list, in its entirety, with all of you. Without further ado...

What I want from 2012

1. To use my fear as inspiration to ROCK this new job!

2. To try new things I'm uncomfortable with, just to say I did. Who knows, I may love it!

3. Get down to, and stay at, 180 pounds.

4. Save heartily (but spend frivolously at least once a quarter).

5. Go on a date.

6. Fall in love, even if only for a week. :)

7. Take a trip somewhere I've never been before.

8. Don't be afraid to SHINE!

9. Visit DC, Atlanta, and Chicago --> Nourish my friendships!

10. Do something really nice and unexpected for Mommy.

11. Become familiar with and comfortable navigating downtown.

12. Laugh more, and sweat the small stuff less.

13. Be wholly, unequivocally, undeniably, unapologetically ME!

If I don't get to everything, that's totally ok, but at least it gives me something to strive for.

In the spirit of full disclosure, after reading this blog, I also wrote out a list of everything I could possibly want in a man. Now, clearly no man on this overcrowded, polluted, amazing, beautiful earth is going to have everything on this (extensive) list, but it's nice to really think about what's important to me, what I'm looking for superficially, and what I actually don't need. At midnight I'm going to burn both lists, kind of as a way to get them into the atmosphere. Anyway, I'm not going to recreate the "Man" list for you guys in total here because, crazy as it may seem, I do have some pride, but I will leave you with a few randomly selected excerpts:

2. NICE. To me, to others, to strangers, and to himself.

6. Thinks I'm beautiful, and makes me think so too.

11. Has. A. Job. (with opportunity for advancement)

13. Comes from a good, solid, stable family (who love me!)

21. Unselfish in all things

25. Sexy --> Makes me nervous and gives me butterflies.

28. Engaged in the democratic process.

34. Likes my friends, and vice versa.

40. Faithful

Before I get out of here, I just want to say a really big thank you to everyone who has read this little corner of the internets, commented, left me a facebook message, emailed, texted, stopped me in person, whatever! I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one hiding their crazy from the masses, and I promise to expose more of my crazy (and less of my emo) in the new year. Love y'all!

Happy New Year guys, hope 2012 brings you all you desire!

S.

Hello? Hello?? Is Anyone There???

Hi. My name is Samantha and I run this little corner of the world. You might have forgotten about me because I've been MIA for the past oooh.... 3.5 months or so. Sorry about that.

Actually no, I'm not sorry. Girlfriend was busy! Like, legit busy, not "oh I'd rather paint my nails or hang out with friends or cuddle with my hunkahunk of burning love" busy.

So, what have I been up to? Glad you asked!

1. I took my last set of finals EVER. No more celebrating my birthday with outlining or paper-writing! Whoop whoop! Thanks for the birthday flowers, Mom!

2. I graduated from Georgetown University Law Center. #Boom

3. I studied for and took the Michigan Bar Exam. Ten weeks of nothing but class, study, sleep. Everyday felt like Wednesday. I think my friends thought I died. My neighbor asked me in July if I had just gotten home because it was the first time he'd seen me all summer. I got back in May. It was a horrible horrible time that I hope I never have to revisit. There are no pictures of me doing this because I was too busy trying not to shoot myself in the head for deciding to become a lawyer.

Picture Courtesy of SpicyMarshmallow.blogspot.com

4. Found a Man.

HA! Fooooooled you!!!!!

5. Lost some weight. Actually, I've kind of lost a lot of weight since the last time I verbally vomited all over your computer screen. Here are some pics! P.S. Sorry for the blurriness of the pictures, the natural light was giving the flux. (hehehe, I love that saying.)

 I'm not sure where I was the last time we talked, but as of yesterday I am sitting pretty at 193 lbs. That's down 27 lbs since I started Weight Watchers (yup, still on it), and 49 lbs since I started on this weight loss journey in March 2009. Go Samma, it's your birthday, get busy ::does patented happy dance::

If you follow me on Twitter, you may remember me excitedly tweeting a couple weeks ago that I could finally put on a pair of jeans that I haven't worn since the beginning of junior year of college-- 2006, but that they were still a bit snug. Behold the transformation!

Please ignore my dirty mirror, whatever I put on it as a child permanently defaced it.

Look, no overhang!!

As you can see, the jeans legit fit now, and they are actually the only pants I currently have in my possession that don't make me look like I'm walking around with a dirty diaper on. Which, you know, is probably a good thing.

Alrighty, that's my quick update. I'll be back with a much more emo post ( I KNOW you all love those!) soonish. Studying for the bar totally suppressed my crazy, but Oh.Em.Gee. is it back. This will be fun.

S.

One Day I'm Going to Write Something Really Profound

And it will be AMAZING.

One day, I'm going to find the exact right words for the exact right moment and everyone will read it and cock their head to the side and squint their eyes and think.

They will think.

And then their eyes will get big and they'll take a deep breath and find themselves smiling a personal little half smile and their heart will beat a little faster or maybe flutter a bit and they'll shake their head and smile bigger or maybe bite their lip and they will feel it.

They will feel it.

And then they'll retweet it or reblog it or Facebook-like it or print it off and put it on their walls or write it in their personal journal and look at it whenever they need that feeling or that smile or those words again. And my words will have meant something and had an impact and made someone feel some kind of way and I will be happy.

One day I'm going to write something really profound. I'm going to find the exact right words for the exact right moment and I'm going to write the fuck outta those words.

And it will be epic.

S.