Thursday, September 19, 2013

The More Things Change...

The fatter I get.

You totally weren't expecting that, were you? I'm sneaky like that.



So, I don't know if I've mentioned this before, but my body basically hates me. And by hates I mean in purely superficial ways like OMG I KEEP GAINING WEIGHT WHAT THE FUCK AND MY FACE LOOKS SHITTY AND MY HAIR WON'T GROW AND NO ONE IS EVER GOING TO LOVE ME AND I'M GONNA DIE ALONE.

In a nutshell.

How sick does it make me that I legitimately fantasize about having a diagnosable disease to justify my weight gain and/or getting punched in the face so hard I have to have my jaw wired shut so I'm forced to lose weight? Really, on a scale of 1-10, is that more or less than a 9? I'm thinking 8.2 (I mean, it's not like I'm considering actually not eating 'cause... cake) but I'm biased. Whatevs.

In other news, my job still employs me, so that's cool. I'm also still single, but also still child, STD, and stalker free, so win.

Also, I'm writing a book.

Well, ok, I'm going to write a book. I haven't actually started, but I have the idea. Kinda. Actually...

Look, I'm gonna write a book, ok? Ok. Think Bridget Jones' Diary + shit that applies to Black people. And in this book Black is gonna be capitalized all the fucking time because mine.

I hope you guys will read it. Or at least don't and say you did.

Peace out, homie.
S.


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7 comments:

  1. Cocoa JSeptember 19, 2013 at 9:42 PM

    I can't wait to read your book... you know I read 540 words/min

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. UnknownSeptember 19, 2013 at 11:28 PM

      540 words per minute, yep I'm severely slacking

      Delete
    2. UnknownSeptember 19, 2013 at 11:28 PM

      540 words per minute, yep I'm severely slacking

      Delete
  2. UnknownSeptember 19, 2013 at 11:02 PM

    if your book is anything like this blog, i'm buying one for me and one for my mom. cuz my body hates me too. alot. i weigh more now than i did when i was pregnant. Take that chew it, and cry like i do in my cookies. :-(

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sandra UdumaSeptember 19, 2013 at 11:21 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sandra UdumaSeptember 19, 2013 at 11:22 PM

      I <3 your blog soooooo much!! Can't wait for the book lol, whenever you decide to drop it

      Delete
  4. AnonymousSeptember 20, 2013 at 1:11 AM

    FINALLY YOU'RE WRITING A BOOK. i've been saying this all along, i know its going to be great! i want to read drafts, k??

    also, you're not fat. its called living....post 25 with a slow metabolism. its happening to all of us!

    xoxo
    linesister lauren

    ReplyDelete

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