No, that's not correct.
I definitely want to grow up. I am tired of going to school, tired of reading for school, tired of my Christmases marked by a period of extreme and irrational stress otherwise known as finals, and tired of my birthday being celebrated by a moment of euphoria for having survived another year, followed by an immediate crash back to Earth as I resume studying. Also, I've said it before and I'll say it again--law students are an odd bunch. The less time I spend around them, the better. Clearly I am the exception to the rule.
So no, I definitely don't not want to grow up.
What I do want, is to know what I want to be when I grow up.
Considering that I'll be 25 next month (!!!!!), it seems rather late in the game to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life. The thing is, I thought I had it all figured out. When I graduated from college, I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life--go to law school (for the knowledge, not the firm job), become employed by the NBA or NFL, save all the little black boys from making a mess of their lives and ending up destitute a year after they retired. Simple. But now, I just don't know. Maybe it's because things haven't exactly worked out as planned, but I'm feeling very unsettled right now. What if I do find the dream job and realize it's NOTHING like I thought it would be and I hate it? Then what? What if I NEVER get anything close to the dream job? What in the world could I do every day for the rest of my life that I wouldn't hate for the rest of my working life?
And then I start thinking, what if what I thought I wanted to do for the rest of my life when I was 18 isn't really what I want to do for the rest of my life now? I love reading. I read more than anyone I know, especially romance novels. It is my absolute favorite pastime. Why shouldn't I pursue something in that realm as a job? Wouldn't that make me happier? I could totally run a publishing house. Or be an editor. I could do that! But I don't technically have any experience in the field, I'm not a writer, and the only one saying I could do that is me. And anyway, being an editor could've been achieved without wasting three years and approximately $120k. Wasteful.
Maybe I should've just quit faking the funk when I was in college and have become a teacher. I've always said that if teachers made more money, I'd have been an AP English teacher (so being able to live a certain lifestyle means something to me. Sue me.). And let me tell you--I would've been FANTASTIC. Effing amazing. Le Sigh.
What really worries me is that other than those things, I seriously cannot think of one job--or even one thing-- I would enjoy doing as a job. I'm sure there's something else out there, but maybe I'm lost in my panic and can't see the forest for the trees. I've never before in my life not had a set plan for what was to come next--maybe that's what's freaking me out. Truthfully, law school might have been a huge, costly mistake. Damn.
I don't know guys, I just don't know! My friends are So. Sure. about what they want out of life, and I feel like I'm still floundering around trying to figure out where I fit in. I'm fine with not L-O-V-I-N-G whatever it is I end up doing after the bar, I just don't want to hate going to work every day, you know? But on the other hand, I'm definitely a beggar at this point, and beggars can't be choosers.
What's a girl to do??
S.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
New Urrms and New Legs
Did you get that reference in the title? No? Need another clue? ::sings:: It's a new dawn, a new day, a new life for meeee, and I'm feeling gooooooood! *stands pigeon-toed*
Yes people, I joined Weight Watchers! Together with my friend Jen, I signed up a couple days ago and am very excited to see how it goes. I've gotten a lot of "Sam, you don't need to lose weight!" when I tell people I've joined, which while sweet, is quantifiably not true. What is true is that I've been doing fairly well on my own. However, I'm hoping that joining now will help get me out of this rut, as well as reteach me good portion control.
For those of you who don't know how Weight Watchers works, they give you a daily point value--based on your height, weight, and how much you want to lose--that you are not supposed to exceed. Every food has a point value, so you can basically eat what you want and spread those points however you want as long as you don't exceed your point total. It's essentially calorie counting, but a lot more user-friendly.
As part of the program, you're supposed to take pictures during your first week so you can have something to compare with down the line. And since I love you guys and have completely disregarded any pride I might've had when I started this blog, I'm going to share mine with you. Keep me honest people.
Sorry about the toothpaste on the mirror, I swear I cleaned it before I took these. Guess I missed a spot. :/
Yes people, I joined Weight Watchers! Together with my friend Jen, I signed up a couple days ago and am very excited to see how it goes. I've gotten a lot of "Sam, you don't need to lose weight!" when I tell people I've joined, which while sweet, is quantifiably not true. What is true is that I've been doing fairly well on my own. However, I'm hoping that joining now will help get me out of this rut, as well as reteach me good portion control.
For those of you who don't know how Weight Watchers works, they give you a daily point value--based on your height, weight, and how much you want to lose--that you are not supposed to exceed. Every food has a point value, so you can basically eat what you want and spread those points however you want as long as you don't exceed your point total. It's essentially calorie counting, but a lot more user-friendly.
As part of the program, you're supposed to take pictures during your first week so you can have something to compare with down the line. And since I love you guys and have completely disregarded any pride I might've had when I started this blog, I'm going to share mine with you. Keep me honest people.
Sorry about the toothpaste on the mirror, I swear I cleaned it before I took these. Guess I missed a spot. :/You can definitely see the love handles and tummy, and those twin rolls on my back are the bane of my existence. I also took a close up of my face since you can often see weight loss in the face first. Toning up my arms is definitely on the list too. So there you go! At the start of Weight Watchers (and Lent) I am at 219. I set my goal on Weight Watchers as losing 5% of my body weight, or 10lbs, but I'm hoping to smash that over these next 13 weeks. Wish me luck!
S.
P.S. You'll see a lot more pictures on the blog now that I've got my camera, which had been out of commission since last July, working again. It's the Michigan Difference, people. Go Blue.
S.
P.S. You'll see a lot more pictures on the blog now that I've got my camera, which had been out of commission since last July, working again. It's the Michigan Difference, people. Go Blue.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Lenten Season
First, a quick update: I have officially pulled myself out of my pity party and hit the gym 3 times last week. Hoping to get in a quick workout tonight to start the week off right.
OK, on to the matter at hand. If you aren't aware, next week marks the beginning of Lent. Although Lent is actually a rather profound religious undertaking in Christianity, read more here, I generally use it as a way to put a kick in my weight loss. This likely also has something to do with my current ambivalent feelings toward organized religion, but that's neither here nor there and definitely a more involved post for another time. With that said, I am looking forward to the opportunity to get all the junk I've been eating out of my system and lose a couple pounds in the process.
So what am I giving up?? Glad you asked! The list is as follows:
Anywho, I'm sure it'll be fine and I'll just have to put off my celebrating for two weeks until I've finished school. Forever. Let the church say Amen.
I also plan to be very diligent with working out at least 4 times a week during lent, so the hope is to lose somewhere around 6-8 lbs during the 40 or so days. A pound a week is realistic, yes?
What are you giving up for lent? Food related or not, I need to know I'm not going to be alone in the struggle...
S.
OK, on to the matter at hand. If you aren't aware, next week marks the beginning of Lent. Although Lent is actually a rather profound religious undertaking in Christianity, read more here, I generally use it as a way to put a kick in my weight loss. This likely also has something to do with my current ambivalent feelings toward organized religion, but that's neither here nor there and definitely a more involved post for another time. With that said, I am looking forward to the opportunity to get all the junk I've been eating out of my system and lose a couple pounds in the process.
So what am I giving up?? Glad you asked! The list is as follows:
- All sweets (candy, cookies, cake, cupcakes, pie, ice cream, etc.)
- Fried food, especially my beloved french fries
- The vending machine in my building
- The 7/11 next door (except for buying water)
- Chips
- Alcohol
- Having food delivered
- Clothes shopping (not at all related to weight loss, but important nonetheless if I want to cultivate skills that will help me not have to work until I'm 67 like Suze Orman last night said we should all set as our goal retirement age)
Anywho, I'm sure it'll be fine and I'll just have to put off my celebrating for two weeks until I've finished school. Forever. Let the church say Amen.
I also plan to be very diligent with working out at least 4 times a week during lent, so the hope is to lose somewhere around 6-8 lbs during the 40 or so days. A pound a week is realistic, yes?
What are you giving up for lent? Food related or not, I need to know I'm not going to be alone in the struggle...
S.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Frustrated at Myself
For a multitude of reasons.
First of all, for treating this blog like a red-headed stepchild. I don't know what's up with me. I promise I have lots of interesting things to say, my laziness just seems to prevent me from taking the time to write it here. That's not OK.
Second, because I've been In. My. Feelings. for like a month straight. For my non-urban ethnic friends, that means I've been suffering through bouts of loneliness/romantic feelings or desires/self deprecation/general blah feelings. I'm seriously getting on my own nerves. It's quite annoying.
Third, and most importantly, because I've hit my biannual self-induced weight loss stagnation period. This is how it works: I get burned out on exercising, so I stop for a week. Then I get a random and sustained urge for all things sweet. So I enjoy pies and cake and candy and dessert and am happy. Then I feel like a big tub of lard so I don't exercise for another week. Then I look up and have gained 4 lbs lbs and am sad. Then the cycle repeats. Then I get back on my grind.
See how that's rather detrimental to my progress?
So that's where I am right now. At the end of January, I had gotten back down to 213. Currently, I'm back up to 220. I definitely almost lied and said I was at 218 because for some reason those two pounds seem to make a huge difference to me. But, I said I was gonna have you guys hold me accountable, and that can't really happen without me being truthful. Le sigh. SO frustrating. Especially because I know what the problem is, I know how to fix it, and I'm just not!
And can I just get something off my chest? It is sooo frustrating that it takes so much effort for me to lose weight. I mean, I know I'm not the only one in this boat, but it kills me when friends talk about how they need to lose 3 lbs so they just stop eating food X for four days and then they're fitting back in their skinnies. No working out required. Come on! In order for me to lose three lbs, I have to not eat any bad stuff and work out five days a week. For three weeks. And I don't even eat most food Xs! Why is that fair? It's not. But even more unfair is that my body won't maintain a weight without working out. I can have the best diet--no fried foods, no pop, no sweets, lots of veggies and chicken breast and water--but if I don't work out at least 3 days a week, I'm gaining weight. And I'm not an inactive person otherwise. Do you know how much that sucks? A lot. So much that I can't even think up a cute joke to put right here to lighten the mood a little. Believe me, I tried. Didn't work.
Anybody got any tips for self-motivating? I'm definitely in need.
Sorry for the pity party, but it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to.
S.
First of all, for treating this blog like a red-headed stepchild. I don't know what's up with me. I promise I have lots of interesting things to say, my laziness just seems to prevent me from taking the time to write it here. That's not OK.
Second, because I've been In. My. Feelings. for like a month straight. For my non-urban ethnic friends, that means I've been suffering through bouts of loneliness/romantic feelings or desires/self deprecation/general blah feelings. I'm seriously getting on my own nerves. It's quite annoying.
Third, and most importantly, because I've hit my biannual self-induced weight loss stagnation period. This is how it works: I get burned out on exercising, so I stop for a week. Then I get a random and sustained urge for all things sweet. So I enjoy pies and cake and candy and dessert and am happy. Then I feel like a big tub of lard so I don't exercise for another week. Then I look up and have gained 4 lbs lbs and am sad. Then the cycle repeats. Then I get back on my grind.
See how that's rather detrimental to my progress?
So that's where I am right now. At the end of January, I had gotten back down to 213. Currently, I'm back up to 220. I definitely almost lied and said I was at 218 because for some reason those two pounds seem to make a huge difference to me. But, I said I was gonna have you guys hold me accountable, and that can't really happen without me being truthful. Le sigh. SO frustrating. Especially because I know what the problem is, I know how to fix it, and I'm just not!
And can I just get something off my chest? It is sooo frustrating that it takes so much effort for me to lose weight. I mean, I know I'm not the only one in this boat, but it kills me when friends talk about how they need to lose 3 lbs so they just stop eating food X for four days and then they're fitting back in their skinnies. No working out required. Come on! In order for me to lose three lbs, I have to not eat any bad stuff and work out five days a week. For three weeks. And I don't even eat most food Xs! Why is that fair? It's not. But even more unfair is that my body won't maintain a weight without working out. I can have the best diet--no fried foods, no pop, no sweets, lots of veggies and chicken breast and water--but if I don't work out at least 3 days a week, I'm gaining weight. And I'm not an inactive person otherwise. Do you know how much that sucks? A lot. So much that I can't even think up a cute joke to put right here to lighten the mood a little. Believe me, I tried. Didn't work.
Anybody got any tips for self-motivating? I'm definitely in need.
Sorry for the pity party, but it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to.
S.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Let's Talk About Weight
Being overweight is NOT fun. Not even a little. And even if you're lucky enough to carry your weight relatively equally, such that people can't tell just HOW overweight you are, it still sucks.
So with that said, I'm going to do something I never thought I'd do in my life. Ever. Like, not even a little. I am going to tell you how much I weigh. I feel you should know that my hands are literally shaking as I write this. But first, let's start off with how much I used to weigh. Back when I was really overweight. Back when I was living alone for the first time, adjusting to living in a new city, trying to figure out and hold on to a crappy relationship, and had my first taste of thousands of dollars in loan money at my disposal. Then? Way back then? At my heaviest, say around March 2009?
242 Lbs.
Guys, I seriously just gagged writing that. Do you know how heavy that is? Oh. Em. Gee. And I was TOTALLY in denial! Yeah, I've gained a little weight, but my stomach is still pretty flat. My body is so awesome like that. Ha! Right.
Picture Time!
Ignore my gorgeous sorority sister McKenzie to the left, and instead focus on me at my heaviest. Pay close attention to how my boobies are twice the size of my head. Niiiiiice.
So that was then. Thankfully, I'm no longer at that weight. After many moons of workouts and changed eating habits, I am now down to... dun duun duuuuun...
212 Lbs. (not including the 6 I gained over Christmas break when I did absolutely ZERO working out and ate anything I could get my hands on. No worries, I shall lose that expeditiously).
Pictures!
So with that said, I'm going to do something I never thought I'd do in my life. Ever. Like, not even a little. I am going to tell you how much I weigh. I feel you should know that my hands are literally shaking as I write this. But first, let's start off with how much I used to weigh. Back when I was really overweight. Back when I was living alone for the first time, adjusting to living in a new city, trying to figure out and hold on to a crappy relationship, and had my first taste of thousands of dollars in loan money at my disposal. Then? Way back then? At my heaviest, say around March 2009?
242 Lbs.
Guys, I seriously just gagged writing that. Do you know how heavy that is? Oh. Em. Gee. And I was TOTALLY in denial! Yeah, I've gained a little weight, but my stomach is still pretty flat. My body is so awesome like that. Ha! Right.
Picture Time!
Ignore my gorgeous sorority sister McKenzie to the left, and instead focus on me at my heaviest. Pay close attention to how my boobies are twice the size of my head. Niiiiiice.
So that was then. Thankfully, I'm no longer at that weight. After many moons of workouts and changed eating habits, I am now down to... dun duun duuuuun...
212 Lbs. (not including the 6 I gained over Christmas break when I did absolutely ZERO working out and ate anything I could get my hands on. No worries, I shall lose that expeditiously).
Pictures!
So this is me now. Thirty pounds lighter and mighty fine if I do say so myself.
But I'm not done yet. My goal weight is 190, and I'm counting on you guys to keep me motivated, because I'm co-dependent like that. Sweet.
So, what do you say? Are you up for listening to me whine about my disdain for working out and not eating delicious desserts and candy?
....
I'll take your silence as an enthusiastic yes.
But I'm not done yet. My goal weight is 190, and I'm counting on you guys to keep me motivated, because I'm co-dependent like that. Sweet.
So, what do you say? Are you up for listening to me whine about my disdain for working out and not eating delicious desserts and candy?
....
I'll take your silence as an enthusiastic yes.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Real Life Awaits
Guys, I'm ONE semester away from graduating from law school. ONE!!
*does the patented Samantha happy dance*
In exactly 4 months, 2 weeks, and 4 days, I will be a 25 year old law school graduate. With an undergraduate degree from the 15th best university in the world. That's pretty cool. What's not cool is that if I don't Find. A. Job. I'll be living underneath an overpass with only my degree to protect me from the elements. Which is bad cause paper--even that really fancy parchment they print degrees on--is not really water resistant. Eh.
So, there's that. Buuuut, in order to get a job, I need to pass the bar AND HOLY CRAP WHY IN THE WORLD IS BAR PREP SO EXPENSIVE?!?!? I'm talking $3,000 for the privilege of
*does the patented Samantha happy dance*
In exactly 4 months, 2 weeks, and 4 days, I will be a 25 year old law school graduate. With an undergraduate degree from the 15th best university in the world. That's pretty cool. What's not cool is that if I don't Find. A. Job. I'll be living underneath an overpass with only my degree to protect me from the elements. Which is bad cause paper--even that really fancy parchment they print degrees on--is not really water resistant. Eh.
So, there's that. Buuuut, in order to get a job, I need to pass the bar AND HOLY CRAP WHY IN THE WORLD IS BAR PREP SO EXPENSIVE?!?!? I'm talking $3,000 for the privilege of
banging my head against the desk in frustration, having no life, pulling my hangnails a la Black Swan (!!!), staring at the wall plotting my own death studying 8-10 hours a day for 2 months with a bunch of freshly minted JDs. Have you ever met a law student/new JD? They generally aren't awesome people. Except for me. I'm awesome. And that doesn't even include the actual cost of the bar exam itself! At least my parents love me and are gonna pay for it. I think. Hopefully. I'm pretty sure I'll owe them each a summer house or something once I'm done though-- interest payments are a killer.
So all that to say, if anyone knows of any sport/entertainment/media related jobs I should apply for, let me know. Ok, who am I kidding-- if anyone knows of ANY jobs I should apply for, let me know. Beggars can't be choosers. Well they could, but then they'd just be an a*hole beggar, and don't beggars have enough problems to deal with? I'm sure the economy is heavily curtailing their panhandling take. Thank you kindly.
Alright, that's it. Mom's fried pork chops await and I do loves the pig.
S.
P.S. Happy New Year!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Finals
This week is the end of classes for this semester. My last fall semester EVER. Isn't it funny how specific the countdown gets once you can see the end clearly? My last first day of school. My last 2nd class of the 6th week of spring semester ever. My last weekend before spring break where I wish it was already spring break but dread coming back from break even though I haven't actually started break yet. Anyway, whoop whoop!
Unfortunately, that means that I will be holed up in my apartment paper writing/outlining/tearing out my hair/studying/not showering/eating poorly/not watching TV/getting by on impressively low amounts of sleep/sponateously bursting into song and or dance to keep myself from going crazy (or is that actually evidence of my crazy?? Hmmm...)/staring at my computer screen for the next two and a half weeks. All of which equates to me not posting until I'm finished.
Law school is fun. Join the cult, we have cookies!
(-_-)
See you on the flip side.
S.
Unfortunately, that means that I will be holed up in my apartment paper writing/outlining/tearing out my hair/studying/not showering/eating poorly/not watching TV/getting by on impressively low amounts of sleep/sponateously bursting into song and or dance to keep myself from going crazy (or is that actually evidence of my crazy?? Hmmm...)/staring at my computer screen for the next two and a half weeks. All of which equates to me not posting until I'm finished.
Law school is fun. Join the cult, we have cookies!
(-_-)
See you on the flip side.
S.
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