I Am A Nerd

Let me tell you why.

I don't want to go to class tomorrow. I mean, I REALLY don't want to go to class tomorrow. Not that I particularly hate my classes, I just don't feel like going through the process of learning.

So much effort, not enough payoff.

But there's a 99.98% chance that I'm going to get my behind up out of my marginally comfy bed at 6:45am and go to class tomorrow anyway. And take notes, and listen to my professors, and maybe even participate. Even though I haven't finished my reading, and I'm suffering from the worst PMS ever (TMI?? Eh... no.), and it's currently Student Appreciation Week at school which would be fine if the appreciation wasn't shown through copious amounts of ice cream, cucpcakes, candy, and other delicious sugary goodness I can't partake in. Sidebar- Why does Georgetown always put Student Appreciation Week during Lent? This is a Catholic School! Are they trying to test me as Jesus was tested? Cause if they are, they should know in advance that I'm totally failing that one. You know why? Because I literally feel BAD when I don't go to class. And not the tinge of guilt I assume most people feel when they don't do what they're supposed to do. I legitimately feel bad--racing heart, sweaty palms, butterflies in my stomach, twitchy right eye.

I blame my Mom.

See, when I was little, no one in my house took a day off. The only day my mom wouldn't go to work was on her birthday. That was it. Although, now that I think about it, my brother and I still had to go to school on our birthdays. Moms was a hypocrite!

#Anywaydoe

Like I was saying, everybody went to school and work. Unless you were highly contagious or vomiting, you went to school. And that became so ingrained in my brain that I was unable to turn it off, even when I didn't have my mom looking over my shoulder. When I was in college, I missed exactly 5 classes. Not five days of class, five class sessions. My sophomore year, this guy I had...have??... a huge crush on came up to campus for some reason and essentially needed someone to hang out with for a couple hours. I missed two classes that day, but it was clearly worth it-- even if all we did was sit on the futon and watch reruns. That could have been our moment! It wasn't, but it totally could have been. The other three class periods occurred at the end of my senior year, when I decided it was more prudent for me to work a couple extra hours then listen to my classmates give their final presentations. I think that was a good decision.

In law school, I missed one class my 1L year because of intense back pain that only allowed me to sit in one position without pain, no classes my 2L year, a week my first semester 3L year because I was in Atlanta for work, and one day this semester because I was on a plane back from Puerto Rico. That's it. No skipping class to play in the sun, or take in a baseball game, or catch up on sleep, or pretend to catch up on work.

It's so bad that I literally ask my friends... and my mom... for permission to miss class.

It's truly sad. Very, very, sad.

So with all that said... can I stay home from school tomorrow? Please??

Don't make me sit through class all day tomorrow looking like this.

S.

I Don't Wanna Grow Up, I'm a Toys "R" Us Kid

No, that's not correct.

I definitely want to grow up. I am tired of going to school, tired of reading for school, tired of my Christmases marked by a period of extreme and irrational stress otherwise known as finals, and tired of my birthday being celebrated by a moment of euphoria for having survived another year, followed by an immediate crash back to Earth as I resume studying. Also, I've said it before and I'll say it again--law students are an odd bunch. The less time I spend around them, the better. Clearly I am the exception to the rule.

So no, I definitely don't not want to grow up.

What I do want, is to know what I want to be when I grow up.

Considering that I'll be 25 next month (!!!!!), it seems rather late in the game to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life. The thing is, I thought I had it all figured out. When I graduated from college, I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life--go to law school (for the knowledge, not the firm job), become employed by the NBA or NFL, save all the little black boys from making a mess of their lives and ending up destitute a year after they retired. Simple. But now, I just don't know. Maybe it's because things haven't exactly worked out as planned, but I'm feeling very unsettled right now. What if I do find the dream job and realize it's NOTHING like I thought it would be and I hate it? Then what? What if I NEVER get anything close to the dream job? What in the world could I do every day for the rest of my life that I wouldn't hate for the rest of my working life?

And then I start thinking, what if what I thought I wanted to do for the rest of my life when I was 18 isn't really what I want to do for the rest of my life now? I love reading. I read more than anyone I know, especially romance novels. It is my absolute favorite pastime. Why shouldn't I pursue something in that realm as a job? Wouldn't that make me happier? I could totally run a publishing house. Or be an editor. I could do that! But I don't technically have any experience in the field, I'm not a writer, and the only one saying I could do that is me. And anyway, being an editor could've been achieved without wasting three years and approximately $120k. Wasteful.

Maybe I should've just quit faking the funk when I was in college and have become a teacher. I've always said that if teachers made more money, I'd have been an AP English teacher (so being able to live a certain lifestyle means something to me. Sue me.). And let me tell you--I would've been FANTASTIC. Effing amazing. Le Sigh.

What really worries me is that other than those things, I seriously cannot think of one job--or even one thing-- I would enjoy doing as a job. I'm sure there's something else out there, but maybe I'm lost in my panic and can't see the forest for the trees. I've never before in my life not had a set plan for what was to come next--maybe that's what's freaking me out. Truthfully, law school might have been a huge, costly mistake. Damn.

I don't know guys, I just don't know! My friends are So. Sure. about what they want out of life, and I feel like I'm still floundering around trying to figure out where I fit in. I'm fine with not L-O-V-I-N-G whatever it is I end up doing after the bar, I just don't want to hate going to work every day, you know? But on the other hand, I'm definitely a beggar at this point, and beggars can't be choosers.

What's a girl to do??

S.

Real Life Awaits

Guys, I'm ONE semester away from graduating from law school. ONE!!

*does the patented Samantha happy dance*

In exactly 4 months, 2 weeks, and 4 days, I will be a 25 year old law school graduate. With an undergraduate degree from the 15th best university in the world. That's pretty cool. What's not cool is that if I don't Find. A. Job. I'll be living underneath an overpass with only my degree to protect me from the elements. Which is bad cause paper--even that really fancy parchment they print degrees on--is not really water resistant. Eh.

So, there's that. Buuuut, in order to get a job, I need to pass the bar AND HOLY CRAP WHY IN THE WORLD IS BAR PREP SO EXPENSIVE?!?!? I'm talking $3,000 for the privilege of

banging my head against the desk in frustration, having no life, pulling my hangnails a la Black Swan (!!!), staring at the wall plotting my own death studying 8-10 hours a day for 2 months with a bunch of freshly minted JDs. Have you ever met a law student/new JD? They generally aren't awesome people. Except for me. I'm awesome. And that doesn't even include the actual cost of the bar exam itself! At least my parents love me and are gonna pay for it. I think. Hopefully. I'm pretty sure I'll owe them each a summer house or something once I'm done though-- interest payments are a killer.

So all that to say, if anyone knows of any sport/entertainment/media related jobs I should apply for, let me know. Ok, who am I kidding-- if anyone knows of ANY jobs I should apply for, let me know. Beggars can't be choosers. Well they could, but then they'd just be an a*hole beggar, and don't beggars have enough problems to deal with? I'm sure the economy is heavily curtailing their panhandling take. Thank you kindly.

Alright, that's it. Mom's fried pork chops await and I do loves the pig.

S.

P.S. Happy New Year!

Finals

This week is the end of classes for this semester. My last fall semester EVER. Isn't it funny how specific the countdown gets once you can see the end clearly? My last first day of school. My last 2nd class of the 6th week of spring semester ever. My last weekend before spring break where I wish it was already spring break but dread coming back from break even though I haven't actually started break yet. Anyway, whoop whoop!

Unfortunately, that means that I will be holed up in my apartment paper writing/outlining/tearing out my hair/studying/not showering/eating poorly/not watching TV/getting by on impressively low amounts of sleep/sponateously bursting into song and or dance to keep myself from going crazy (or is that actually evidence of my crazy?? Hmmm...)/staring at my computer screen for the next two and a half weeks. All of which equates to me not posting until I'm finished.

Law school is fun. Join the cult, we have cookies!

(-_-)

See you on the flip side.

S.